Our perception of what reality is depends on what our experiences were. I was born in Laos, in a very poor condition. In 1975, I lived in Thailand with my mother and siblings. My father was pretty absent from our lives but when he came around, my world was complete. I adored my father. He gave me all of the attention, encouragement and love that I was missing and craving. I remember that my father was very nurturing but very stern too. We later lived in a Thai refugee camp where my father was killed. It was such a defeated moment in my life. Another battle for a nine year old child to have to endure! The death of my father was a heartbreak but the death of my childhood was really tough to overcome.
My family was sponsored to the United States and although we had so many limitations, we also had opportunities. Growing up without a father in my life and at times, without a mother, I was always yearning to excel in everything, yearning to be pleasing, yearning to be accepted, yearning to learn a new language, yearning to be safe, yearning to be loved, yearning to be free, yearning to feel wanted, yearning to feel worthy, and yearning to belong. Often times, I felt so alone and so burdened.
After my father passed, my mother became the "father" and had to work outside of the home to care for her four children. I know that my mother did all that she could with what she had. It's hard for me, now that I am a mother, to imagine how much you have to sacrifice for the well being of your children. In my years of self-discovery, I learned what my true potential was ~ well, my goal was to be a super mother! A mother who would do anything to protect her children, give them unconditional love, be selfless with her wants & needs and always put her children interest first, always making certain that her children doesn't go without (no yearning for anything), and that they would always know that they are wanted. In order to become this super mom, I needed to love myself most and allow others to love me!
When my son was born & we were told of his limitations because of Trisomy 21...the word "limitations" did not soak into my heart & mind. All that I knew was that we are fighters & if given the opportunities, we would shine. I knew that my husband and my daughter loved me but the love that they have for me just transcended beyond my imagination. They pulled together and blanketed Ethan with this love. I'm so thankful that I was able to lean on them for comfort, love, and support. After so many years of searching and yearning, I finally found what family was really about ~ right in front of me! My husband said that I have a good heart. He must realize that the reason why I have a good heart is because of him, Marisa and Ethan ~ no more yearning, my heart is finally beginning to heal!
In our traditions & customs, children and parents tend to live together...I always envision myself & my husband living with our children or our children living with us. As parents, we want to protect our children even if they have no special needs! I hope to teach my children to be self-sufficient but to also know that it's okay to rely on one another. I want my children to grow up knowing and believing that they could lean on us!
My family was sponsored to the United States and although we had so many limitations, we also had opportunities. Growing up without a father in my life and at times, without a mother, I was always yearning to excel in everything, yearning to be pleasing, yearning to be accepted, yearning to learn a new language, yearning to be safe, yearning to be loved, yearning to be free, yearning to feel wanted, yearning to feel worthy, and yearning to belong. Often times, I felt so alone and so burdened.
After my father passed, my mother became the "father" and had to work outside of the home to care for her four children. I know that my mother did all that she could with what she had. It's hard for me, now that I am a mother, to imagine how much you have to sacrifice for the well being of your children. In my years of self-discovery, I learned what my true potential was ~ well, my goal was to be a super mother! A mother who would do anything to protect her children, give them unconditional love, be selfless with her wants & needs and always put her children interest first, always making certain that her children doesn't go without (no yearning for anything), and that they would always know that they are wanted. In order to become this super mom, I needed to love myself most and allow others to love me!
When my son was born & we were told of his limitations because of Trisomy 21...the word "limitations" did not soak into my heart & mind. All that I knew was that we are fighters & if given the opportunities, we would shine. I knew that my husband and my daughter loved me but the love that they have for me just transcended beyond my imagination. They pulled together and blanketed Ethan with this love. I'm so thankful that I was able to lean on them for comfort, love, and support. After so many years of searching and yearning, I finally found what family was really about ~ right in front of me! My husband said that I have a good heart. He must realize that the reason why I have a good heart is because of him, Marisa and Ethan ~ no more yearning, my heart is finally beginning to heal!
In our traditions & customs, children and parents tend to live together...I always envision myself & my husband living with our children or our children living with us. As parents, we want to protect our children even if they have no special needs! I hope to teach my children to be self-sufficient but to also know that it's okay to rely on one another. I want my children to grow up knowing and believing that they could lean on us!
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